Big Brother finds he benefits, too

(This story is re-printed from Rob Borsellino's column in the December 20, 2002, edition of the Des Moines Register.)

It was another one of those business meetings, the kind Steve Churchill has to go to a few times a month. He's in marketing, and his company was helping raise money for Big Brothers Big Sisters.

So Churchill went, and he learned a few things that day. And what he learned has had an interesting impact on his life. It's also had an impact on Jordan, an 11-year-old who lives with his mom on one of the rougher streets in Des Moines.

Churchill learned that there were 170 kids around here on the Big Brothers waiting list. He thought back to college in the mid-'80s, when a friend of his was a Big Brother. The kid his friend was paired up with went on to get an MBA at Drake, and these days he's working in China.

"My friend enjoyed it, and I saw the impact it had. It made a huge difference in someone's life. So I figured I'd like to try and do the same."

He asked around, got some information, and applied. They checked him out, and in February they set up a meeting between Churchill and Jordan. The meeting was at the kid's house, and Churchill-this 39-year-old, 6-foot-4 corporate VP who was in the Iowa House for three terms in the '90s-was nervous about meeting this sixth-grader.

"I was afraid it wouldn't work out. I was very uncertain. I wanted him to like me."

He laughs and says: "It was kind of like going on a blind date."

After they met and hung out for an hour, Churchill felt better about things. But he still wasn't sure this would work.

And what did Jordan think? "He was nice. We didn't really talk much. It was kind of boring."

But they gave it a second shot, and a week later-at Jordan's request-they went to Chuck E Cheese, a place the well-traveled Churchill had never been. The kid played games and ran around. They ate pizza and drank soda, had a few laughs. Driving back to Jordan's house they passed a VW, and that prompted the kid to punch Churchill and yell: "Slug bug, no slugs back."

Churchill had no idea what was going on, but he knew things were starting to work out.

Since then they've gotten together two or three times a month. Sometimes they hang out at Churchill's place in Johnston-rent a movie, play chess, read. And sometimes they get out. They've been fishing and horseback riding; they went to the State Fair; they've helped the Rotary hang wreaths and wrap gifts for folks in need.

Churchill cashed in on his political connections and got Jordan a tour of the Capitol-a real insider's tour from a state trooper. Then-a high point for Jordan, second only to Chuck E Cheese-they went up to Terrace Hill and met the governor, something that still brings a smile to the kid's face. And seeing his Little Brother light up brings a smile to Churchill's face.

But nobody in this mix seems happier than Jordan's mom, Joyce. She's watched her son blossom in the past 10 months. Joyce works from 11 at night until 7 in the morning. Her older son used to spend a lot of time with Jordan, but now he's behind bars. That's why she looked into Big Brothers.

"This gives him something to look forward to on the weekends. He's doing better in school. When he finishes a book, Steve buys him a new one. The teachers tell me they know when he's going to see Steve on the weekend. They say he's excited and more upbeat on those Fridays. And for me it's a real relief to see him get out of this neighborhood once in a while."

Now some of Jordan's friends want to be Little Brothers. Jordan says they've picked up on how much it's done for him.

"I'm not so depressed anymore. I have somebody to do things with."

Hearing that, Churchill weighs in: "I thought I'd be helping somebody else, but it's helping me. I don't want to sound corny, but this really opened my eyes. It challenges me to think about things, and I really look forward to our time together."

But Churchill says they're not completely in sync. And they may never be. Churchill is a Republican, and he went to Iowa State. Jordan's a Democrat and a Hawkeye fan.

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Little efforts build big communication payoff

(This story was contributed by Big Sister Tracey Kelley.)

I wanted to become a Big Sister because many people had helped me at pivotal points in my life: the coach who spent a little time after the basketball game to give me extra pointers to improve my game; the mother of a friend who let me stay an extra night when there was trouble at home; the teacher who listened rather than dictated lessons. Sometimes just having someone older to talk to - someone who would listen without judgement, guide without payment, is all we need when growing up.

With my Little, talking and listening is a big part of how we spend our time together. When we can't get see each other, I just give her a call. She tells me about a weird thing at school or new nail polish or a movie she's watched. I tell her about a weird thing at work or my new haircut or a new CD I bought. Within 10 minutes we've caught up. It's easy; it's quick; but more importantly, it's a way for us to stay connected, to continue to integrate ourselves into each other's lives. Amazing what can be accomplished in 10 minutes.

Because of these "small-talk" conversations the trust builds, and there are times when we're driving from Point A to Point B that she talks about more serious things. Funny--she's very open and honest when we're in the car--as if it's "safer" when I'm not looking directly at her. She tells me the concerns of a teenager - peer pressure, a friend doing drugs, the cruelty in the world, why her boyfriend isn't calling, death, fears about getting her first job, sex, the health of her grandmother/guardian, what her body is doing. I am constantly surprised and pleased by her insight, thoughtfulness, and eagerness to grow. These conversations don't require special training on my part - it's all about remembering what it was like "back then," listening carefully, and sharing of myself.

When people find out that I'm a Big Sister, they always say, "Oh, that's really neat. You're so good to do that." Am I? I don't think I ever thought of it in those terms. What I do think about is that I have a young friend who I can share things with. I have someone who is happy when I call, even if it's for a minute. I have someone I can go "play" with. I look at elements of the world with a fresh perspective because that's the perspective of my Little. The time spent with my Little may not be every day, or even every week, but that doesn't lessen its impact. It's a good friendship I'm lucky to have.

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The best Christmas present ever

(This story is reprinted from a story appearing in the December 31, 2002, edition of the Ankeny Press Citizen.)

Two years ago Sandi and Gavin Jerome were befuddled as to what to buy for Christmas. "We don't have any children. If we decided we needed an item, we get it at that time, not waiting for any special occasion," Gavin says.

Sandi remembered a newspaper article about Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Iowa and its "12 Kids by Christmas" annual campaign to gain volunteers for the Community Match program.

"We called and got the best Christmas present ever," she says. "We became a Big Duo for Jake."

Jake is Jacob Dillard, 10, of Waukee. The Jeromes were living on the south side of Des Moines and Jake on the near north side of Des Moines when they met.

"It took several months for us to go through the thorough screening process," Gavin says. "There's a lot of work in that process, but it pays off. We got the perfect match with Jake."

Jake and the Jeromes are movie buffs. They've gone through countless tubs of popcorn since their first meeting. "Jake keeps us young," Gavin says. "We learn quickly what phrases are outdated. We take in the 'Ring' and 'Harry Potter' movies now. These are movies Sandi and I would not have gone to without Jake's urging. They're actually pretty good."

Gavin is self-employed as a motivational speaker for businesses, associations, and organizations. Sandi is office manager for the Iowa Heart Center in Ames. They moved to Ankeny about a year ago.

Jake's mother, Amy Dillard, now lives in Waukee, with two other boys, where she is office manager for a chiropractor. The distance has not kept Jake and the Jeromes apart.

"You get more back than you ever give," Gavin says.

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A 'Big' opportunity

(This story is reprinted from the April 24, 2006 edition of the Des Moines Business Record.)

By Gardyasz
joegardyasz@bpcdm.com

Taking in an Iowa Cubs game, participating in a summer basketball camp or just hanging out and eating freshly baked chocolate chip cookies may be standard fare for many Greater Des Moines teens. For 13-year-old Ahmed Sama, however, they’re cherished memories.

For nearly two years, Ahmed has been the “little brother” of Mike Peterson, his mentor through the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Iowa. During that time, Peterson, who’s been with Meredith Corp. for 25 years as a sales executive, has gone from someone with little knowledge of the program to become one of its most enthusiastic advocates – and a member of the organization’s board.

“I had always enjoyed coaching my daughter’s softball and basketball teams, and I just felt a need to get back and involved,” said Peterson, who also knew a couple of “Bigs” at Meredith. “I felt the time was right to do this. … One day I just said to my wife, ‘I’m just going to stop out at the Big Brothers office and just inquire as to what the organization is all about and the process.’ I ended up spending an hour and a half talking with a person who was very informative.”

Besides being impressed with the staff, “another thing I was impressed with was how they assess your interests and the interests of the child and pretty much match you up that way,” Peterson said. “One of the things I was interested in, I wanted someone who was in the 11-to-13 range, and a child who was interested in outdoor activities and sports.”

Ahmed is one of 1,044 children in Central Iowa who as of last year were matched with a Big Brother or Big Sister through the program. Based on surveys of parents and teachers, Big Brothers Big Sisters has proved to be effective in substantially raising those kids’ self-esteem, school performance and their ability to relate to others. The organization currently has 137 children on its waiting list, 85 percent of whom are boys awaiting matches with male mentors.

The volunteer mentors, who on average meet with their “Littles” for outings two or three times a month, go through an extensive background check and interview process, both to protect the children and to determine the best possible matches based on their interests.

“I think everyone who gets involved with us wants to help a child, no doubt about it,” said Althea Holcomb, CEO of Big Brothers Big Sisters of Central Iowa. “But Mike’s face kind of illuminates when he talks about Ahmed. He’s constantly thinking of opportunities for Ahmed to see the world in a different way. It’s really a cool thing, and I think it’s something all of our volunteers try to do.

“I like to say, if you just look at one window your whole life, how do you know about anything else about the world but what you see from that window? We give kids other views so they can dream and have other options for themselves.”

The process of getting to know each other and developing a relationship from which real communication can occur takes time, Peterson said.

“I would say in the first three months, each of you are kind of checking the other person out, and from the child’s perspective, clearly developing a sense of trust in that person,” he said. “I think it’s really important in this mentoring process to follow through on things. If I mention to Ahmed that we should do something in the future, he is very quick to remind me if we haven’t.”

Some of their recent activities have included a night at the Civic Center to see “The Lion King.” The organization is good about providing no-cost events for its mentors; in this case, the tickets were provided by Meredith. Another time, Allied Insurance donated tickets to the Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey Circus and made its suite at the Wells Fargo Arena available during the event.

Some of the expenses have come out of Peterson’s pocket, with the approval of Big Brothers. For instance, he sent Ahmed and one of his younger brothers to the Tom Davis Basketball Camp last summer. And before seeing “The Lion King,” Peterson fulfilled Ahmed’s long-held wish to eat a steak dinner at a restaurant.

“We went to Judge Roy Bean’s; I know the owners there and they made him feel pretty special,” Peterson said.

Another special moment came during an Iowa Cubs game, when a foul ball hit by Corey Patterson bounced off Peterson’s arm and became a once-in-a-lifetime prize for Ahmed.

“That night, he could hardly get to the house fast enough to show his brothers; he was so proud of that ball. That’s one of the things where you look back and you hope you can say you’ve brought some joy into this kid’s life.”

The trust that developed was evident after a year, when riding on the sky glider at the Iowa State Fair, Ahmed asked Mike for advice because he was nervous about the prospect of entering junior high school in the fall.

“Part of my role, as I see it, is to make him comfortable with a lot of things a kid his age gets anxious about,” Peterson said.

“The nice thing about this organization is that even though you have the organization as the solidifying agent that keeps it moving forward, a lot of it is just your one-on-one relationship,” he said. “On any given weeknight, Ahmed may just call me to talk about something. He called not too long ago and just said nothing more than just, ‘Gee, I’m kind of bored; what are you and Margaret doing?’ So it’s really just providing the individual another outlet, and really another perspective on things.”

Recently, at the request of Ahmed’s mother, Peterson spoke to the boy about an issue that had come up at school. “Sometimes a child will listen to an outsider more than they will a parent just because they’re at that age,” he said.

Because his wife, Margaret, teaches in the English as a second language program for the Des Moines public schools, “that’s been very helpful to me. Ahmed and his family came from Liberia in 1994. She has actually been able to give me a lot of insight into some of the challenges that these families face in the United States. And the kids love her chocolate chip cookies.”

Last July, Peterson was asked to join the Big Brothers board, and has since recruited several of his colleagues at Meredith to become Bigs as well.

“When you get into this, it’s easy to think about what you’re going to give to the child,” he said. “But you don’t think about what that relationship is going to do for you. It’s a two-way street. I think in many ways this makes me a better employee, because it gives me a different perspective on things. It’s a great diversion.”

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